So I figured out the problem. Even though the two objects seem like they should be symmetrical, they are not because I think the RmiServiceExporter transmits the clientSocketFactory over the wire to the RmiProxyFactoryBean, which loads it.
My main problem lay in the fact that I needed to tell the SslRmiServerSocketFactory which ciphers to use
Then I had to set this java property in the jvm that was running the client:
<bean id="SSLserverSocketFactory" class="javax.rmi.ssl.SslRMIServerSocketFactory">
<constructor-arg index="0" value="SSL_DH_anon_WITH_RC4_128_MD5">
<constructor-arg index="2" value="false" />
I know that I'm using a non-authenticating cipher, but for my needs that is ok.